How to start a letter

©New Line Cinema/Courtesy Everett Collection

Some things are just better done the old-school way.

Don't believe me? Take the preparation of mac and cheese. No matter how quickly you can whip up the stuff from the box, nothing tops real cheese slowly melting over perfectly al dente pasta, right? Similarly, handwriting a love letterâ€"stringing together all the reasons your significant other is the mac to your cheeseâ€"is totally worth it.

Sure, composing a letter requires some heavy lifting: careful consideration of paper, thoughtful planning, and writing with intention (since, you know, there's no delete button). But the virtual alternativeâ€"because it looks identical to the text you sent about needing toilet paper the day beforeâ€"simply can't be appreciated in the same way.

So, when you want to surprise your SO with something special, take pen to paper. And don’t worry about getting stumped because Jane Greer, Ph.D., relationship expert, and author of What About Me?, is here to train you on this old school art step by step.

1. Take your time.

Consider how long your partner will hold onto this token of your love. Since it’s unlike most of your digital exchanges, there’s a good chance they’ll cherish your love letter for a long time, so give them a reason to keep coming back to it years later. Put thought into the stock and color of your stationary, says Greer. More than anything, the paper should be durable (so they can reread it at every anniversary, duh).

But before you put pen to paper, take some time to figure out what you actually want to say. On a piece of scrap paper, jot down the key things you want to share with your partner. This will help you keep the actual love letter organized and easy to follow. (And if you’re not proud of it the first time around, try againâ€"there’s no harm in a few drafts.)

2. Include specific reasons you're crazy about your SO.

First, address your letter with your partner's nickname (if they have one). Then, "focus on one truly unique quality you love with an example," says Greer. For example, mention your appreciation for your partner's openness and willingness to share. Then, explain why you appreciate this about them (maybe because it taught you to find confidence in your own vulnerabilities) and how it continues to impact you.

Focusing on specifics will help you resist the urge to rehash the entire timeline of your relationship in the letter and describe how every moment made you feel. You don’t need to start at the beginning, since your partner knows how the story goes… they were there, after all.

Avoid statements such as "your eyes sparkle like…" they’re generic and cliché, and you’re better than that, says Greer. If you reread your sentences and realize the letter would still hold up if it were addressed to someone else, you need to dig deeper.

3. Say something you wouldn't say IRL.

Once you’ve covered what you love most about your partner, take this opportunity to share something with them that you may not have had the guts to verbalize otherwise, says Greer. Because it’s a letter, you’ll be saved from the stress of stumbling on your words, or the insecurity that typically comes with watching someone react in person. Pen and paper give you the security to be honest about what you wantâ€"exactly the way you want.

Telling your partner that you’ve never forgotten that seemingly insignificant thing they did for you that one time, or that you still get butterflies when you see them, will make them feel valued and appreciated. This is especially significant after the honeymoon phase has ended, you’ve fallen into a routine (which is a good thing), and your partner might feel like they know all there is to know about you.

4. Celebrate your relationship.

Dedicate a few lines to telling your SO about how much you love what you’re able to bring into their life, like home-cooked meals or a shoulder to cry on, says Greer.

This is also the place to make actionable and realistic promises about anything you hope to do for your partner, like planning more date nights. Tell them how you intend to continue enhancing their life, just like they’ve enhanced yours.

5. Don’t shy away from bringing up the future.

Okay, so... if you don’t see a future with this person, you might just want to stick to text messages. Oh, you do? Good. In that case, bring it up.

Leave some room to tell your significant other about future plans you've mapped out and hopes you have for the two of you."The future is always a great idea because the future conjures security," says Greer. Visions of time together and of the relationship continuing will reassure your partner that you're not going anywhere. While this letter is mainly a sign of appreciation, Greer is all about using the opportunity to include a vow, too. Give your partner a reason to look forward to the creation of more memories.

6. Reaffirm your commitment.

"A letter should end with something that speaks to duration," says Greer. She suggests, after writing about your vision of a joint future, sign off with something like "always," or "forever."

And if that’s a little too much for you, ending with "love" is always a good move. It's a love letter, after all.

Aryelle Siclait Aryelle Siclait is an editorial assistant at Women's Health.